I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
