I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
