i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
