i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
false alarm, still single
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