is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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