I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
