every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, beer. Big fan.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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