I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
