Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
