i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
