You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
please don't ironically join a cult
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