i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
