Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the day after is always just damage control
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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