I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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