Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
