Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
