last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
