pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I CAN MOONWALK!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well you can't waste a boner
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
