Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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