i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
