So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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