I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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