Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
