Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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