There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
