I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
