Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
