He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
