Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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