It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
