I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
