We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
