You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
