We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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