id be glad to
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
