drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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