Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He did a backflip because drugs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
