Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
