I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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