I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
