He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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