I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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