her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
