with your own penis?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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