I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
