As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
