I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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