He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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