I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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