Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
