i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i drank out of a bidet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
