no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
