Umm I'm too high to move.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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