He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Im part way to drunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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