that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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