Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
