I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
