Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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