how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
