How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
