I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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