I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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