So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
