I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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