oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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