Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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