"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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