im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
