I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
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I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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