Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
