those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
