we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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