I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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