I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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